when you experience that momentary, deep melancholy of what it feels like to be cast aside by the world, even your friends, that's when you truly realize your treacherous adultery against the one true redeeming God and your utter lack of faith and contentment in Christ and His pure and perfect love.
how i suffered from bitterness and jealousy today. it was particularly hard to deal with this time, because i think the Holy Spirit truly exposed my sin; took it out of myself and put it on a platter in front of me in its true disgusting state so i couldn't deny it or rationalize it away. like a mucousy, pungent goop of Bitterness and a vomit green, curdled pile of Jealousy presented against a shining, untarnished platter of silver. just plain nasty.
had i been a servant of any other master, i would've been struck down on the spot for producing such vile fruit. but praise the Lord Christ Jesus forgives a repentant heart, no matter how wretched! there's no shame in saying it: i love my God because He loved me first.
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